life of faith

taking baby steps & leaps & everything in between

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The Coffee Diaries… and The Gym.

While I had The Bug, I wasn’t drinking any coffee. I’m not a huge coffee drinker in the first place – I only have a cup a day – but I am pretty dependent on that first-thing morning cup (as long as it’s not Starbucks Natural Fusions Cinnamon). Fortunately for me, I didn’t notice the withdrawal effects during The Bug because I was too busy throwing up or trying not to throw up. Then by the time The Bug was out of my system, I was officially un-addicted to caffeine!

Proud of my new healthy lifestyle, I decided not to drink coffee anymore, except for VSO’s (Very Special Occasions). Or getting the Keurig off our registry (yes, that was a shameless plug for our Bed Bath & Beyond registry).

*Cue choir of angels*

Well, that resolution lasted about two weeks. If you can even count that. I was lying to myself, telling myself I felt sooooo energetic now that I didn’t have the ups and downs of caffeine with the crash at the end… meanwhile I was falling asleep every time I sat down long enough to blink. I knew something had to be done when I started getting too tired to trust myself driving the girls. So on the *really bad days* (which was everyday), I started having a Diet Coke with lunch. Which really helped! I felt great in the afternoons. But still felt drugged in the mornings. And knew that Diet Coke is probably worse than coffee. Tuesday I stopped lying to myself and stopped for an iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts on the way back from the preschool pick-up.

“Getting coffee?” two little voices asked from the backseat. Oh, the shame.

Yesterday I held my ground until after breakfast. Then, when I was alone – like an addict – I poured myself the remainder of what was in the coffeemaker. Then sent Dayne this text: “Coffee diary approx day #14 – drinking coffee by 8:30 am. Rainy day.

Today I finally gave in and had my “normal” morning cup of coffee in front of everyone (okay, so it was in front of the mom I work for and the girls. But I might as well have worn a tee-shirt that said “WEAK”).


But I am getting better at something. I went to the gym today for the first time in… ever. I cut the tags off a sports bra I bought at least 2 years ago. I delightfully found a pair of gym shorts that I forgot I even had, but then vaguely remember wearing to a yoga class at some point. My Nalgene bottle finally came down off the shelf. And I met up with the lovely Ashlee and “ran” (do you run on an elliptical?) for two miles/a half hour. Not too bad. Maybe that’s a leaf I can actually turn over!

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The Text, The Bug, and The Binder.

Alright, blog, I’m sorry for neglecting you. Unfortunately, you’re not alone. I have also neglected my apartment, my food intake, my two humidifers (humidifier A broke and I’m pretty sure humidifier B is on its way out), and basically everything in my life that doesn’t go in The Binder (The Binder is my wedding planning binder – divided into 8 sections and beautifully organized, I might add).

God did slow me down a bit this week from my Wedding Planning Hundred-Yard Dash. I worked on Tuesday and the mom mentioned to me that the dad had gotten what they thought was food poisoning on Sunday night. No harm done; I don’t think I even thought about it the rest of the day as I played with the girls, fed them, changed their diapers, and otherwise happily shared all kinds of germs with them. Then that night I got The Text: both the girls started throwing up. Wooooo hoooo. I put on my seatbelt and started praying and praying and praying and praying that I wouldn’t get The Bug. Even though deep in my heart, I thought it was pretty inevitable that I would get The Bug. I mean, I’m a nanny for two toddlers, and I wish I had a dollar for every time I said, “please get your hand out of your mouth”.

So I was off on Wednesday, which is when the mom came down with The Bug. Not looking good… but I got tons of wedding planning done (more stuff for The Binder)! And I was feeling pretty optimistic as I ran some errands (ginger ale and white grape peach juice… just in case, and a cake topper, for fun) and still felt really good. Then we had book study that night and I took extra care not to share germs with anyone (had Dayne put my chips in a separate bowl, thank-you-very-much). At book study, I had “that I wouldn’t get The Bug” as one of my prayer requests (I’m paraphrasing), and we all talked about how I probably wouldn’t (were my friends sincerely thinking I wouldn’t get The Bug, or were they just trying to assuage my fear of The Bug? Hmm…). I ate like a normal person — salad for dinner and chips during book study…

Then, around 9:30, it hit. The guys were still hanging around and talking phone technology with Dayne (I was half-listening and half-marveling at how bad my stomach was starting to feel). Dayne hung around for a few moments after the rest of the guys left, and we sat on the couch as I willed the increasing stomach discomfort to go away. Then Dayne left and I settled in for the long-haul. Propped up my pillows (am I the only one who can’t lay flat with an upset stomach?), put in an Everybody Loves Raymond DVD, and tried to fall asleep. I think I slept for about an hour and a half, then I was up the rest of the night with bad stomach pain and waves of nausea. Fun fun! Still didn’t think it was too bad and thought it might even pass by the time the morning rolled around, so I went to brush my teeth. Bad idea. That made me even more nauseous, and then The Bug got its vengeance.

Luckily, I only “got sick” once, and the rest of the day was spent recovering and trying to summon the energy and hutzpah to eat a cracker. I received several wedding planning emails that I ignored (the audacity! The Binder wasn’t happy), although I did manage to address, seal, and stamp all of my Save-the-Dates that afternoon. By 4:00 I could eat, and by 6:00 I had a 102-degree fever. Took some Tylenol and I was okay. Dayne brought over soup and white bread and took all the Save-the-Dates with him to drop in the mail like a good little fiancé. 🙂

Yesterday, Dayne and I had a cupcake tasting and I actually tasted some cupcake and held it down so I think I’m doing much better. Today, I may even eat regular food again! I’m trying not to let The Binder rule my life (I had so many half-crazy-dreams about wedding planning in my Wednesday night stomach pain delirium, it actually turned me off a bit from the whole process) and trying to just enjoy it in intervals. Which will hopefully give me more time for Dayne, reading, and more consistent blogging (fingers crossed!). And for God and my Bible studies. God stayed up with me all night on Wednesday through my groaning, and for that I am truly grateful. He made it quite a bit easier. At the beginning, I was wishing I was married already so that Dayne would be there to keep me company and make me feel better — then I realized that Dayne would probably be wanting to sleep and I wouldn’t be in the best mood for company really — and God just let me talk to Him and complain all night long and He was quiet but persistently there, reassuring me that all the discomfort would pass eventually. He gave me exactly what I needed (which is really what He’s good at, so it’s about time I believed Him for it). It wasn’t what I wanted (what I wanted was to be Bug-Free), but it was what I needed.


What the Heck Just Happened.

So it’s February, and it’s been forever since I last posted.  I apologize, but I was really occupied wrangling two toddlers.

I did take my dad to the eye hospital for his second procedure on Friday.  They ended up taking a laser to both of his eyes, which he was really not happy about.  But it did the trick and he is on his way to recovery (with more secure retinas).  That actually took up the better portion of the day, so I had just enough time to pick up my car from the dealership and pack before heading over to the Nanny House (just trying to pick an easy name for the house where I nanny) to sleep and then… not sleep… for the next three nights.

So, to explain: I just completed a special assignment which I will call “keeping-a-3-year-old-girl-and-a-1-and-a-half-year-old-girl-alive-and-in-one-piece-each-for-four-days-straight-while-the-parents-are-far-enough-away-to-require-a-passport”.  I had so much anxiety about this job before I accepted it, and many of my fears and worries came true — which is why, in the long run, I give a lot of credit to my anxiety.

I barely slept.  The girls both got sick.  We went on one trip outside of the house in four days (unless you count the Monday doctor’s visit — that would be trip #2).  I was mostly alone.  I got one break.  TV got boring and awful.  I couldn’t even take a nice shower.  I wanted to go to bed at 7 p.m. every night.  What I will say is this: everyone is fine.  There was no throw-up involved (not even from the cat).  I managed to keep the house really clean.  The guest bed was super comfy (I just wish I had spent more time in it).  I didn’t get sick.  There were no cataclysmic snowstorms or fires or power outages or broken water heaters or break-ins…

All said and done, it was a great experience in that I learned that I would probably never do it again.  I also learned what I’m capable of, because there were times when I was overwhelmed yet I was still able to push through it.  I learned that I will never, ever, ever be a single stay-at-home mom.  I want to be a stay-at-home mom, but I also want to have a husband who will listen for the kids with me when they’re coughing – or sleepwalking – at night.  Who will be there with us for dinner – at least most of the time.  Who can help with bathtime, or distract the really energetic one while the really sick one wants to cuddle in quiet.  Who will talk with me at the end of a really, REALLY long day.  Or, if for some reason I have to be a single mom, I absolutely want a job or a hobby or a babysitter or a bathroom with a door on it.

I do love the girls.  A lot — don’t get me wrong!  And before they got sick, we had a lot of fun spending Saturday with Dayne; we went on a field trip and had a pajama & pizza party and played and read books, etc.  But I am so thankful that at the end of those four days, I was able to come home to my quiet house and my private bedroom and get a good night’s sleep sans two bedside baby monitors.

…I guess I’m not quite ready to have kids. 🙂