life of faith

taking baby steps & leaps & everything in between


What the Heck Just Happened.

So it’s February, and it’s been forever since I last posted.  I apologize, but I was really occupied wrangling two toddlers.

I did take my dad to the eye hospital for his second procedure on Friday.  They ended up taking a laser to both of his eyes, which he was really not happy about.  But it did the trick and he is on his way to recovery (with more secure retinas).  That actually took up the better portion of the day, so I had just enough time to pick up my car from the dealership and pack before heading over to the Nanny House (just trying to pick an easy name for the house where I nanny) to sleep and then… not sleep… for the next three nights.

So, to explain: I just completed a special assignment which I will call “keeping-a-3-year-old-girl-and-a-1-and-a-half-year-old-girl-alive-and-in-one-piece-each-for-four-days-straight-while-the-parents-are-far-enough-away-to-require-a-passport”.  I had so much anxiety about this job before I accepted it, and many of my fears and worries came true — which is why, in the long run, I give a lot of credit to my anxiety.

I barely slept.  The girls both got sick.  We went on one trip outside of the house in four days (unless you count the Monday doctor’s visit — that would be trip #2).  I was mostly alone.  I got one break.  TV got boring and awful.  I couldn’t even take a nice shower.  I wanted to go to bed at 7 p.m. every night.  What I will say is this: everyone is fine.  There was no throw-up involved (not even from the cat).  I managed to keep the house really clean.  The guest bed was super comfy (I just wish I had spent more time in it).  I didn’t get sick.  There were no cataclysmic snowstorms or fires or power outages or broken water heaters or break-ins…

All said and done, it was a great experience in that I learned that I would probably never do it again.  I also learned what I’m capable of, because there were times when I was overwhelmed yet I was still able to push through it.  I learned that I will never, ever, ever be a single stay-at-home mom.  I want to be a stay-at-home mom, but I also want to have a husband who will listen for the kids with me when they’re coughing – or sleepwalking – at night.  Who will be there with us for dinner – at least most of the time.  Who can help with bathtime, or distract the really energetic one while the really sick one wants to cuddle in quiet.  Who will talk with me at the end of a really, REALLY long day.  Or, if for some reason I have to be a single mom, I absolutely want a job or a hobby or a babysitter or a bathroom with a door on it.

I do love the girls.  A lot — don’t get me wrong!  And before they got sick, we had a lot of fun spending Saturday with Dayne; we went on a field trip and had a pajama & pizza party and played and read books, etc.  But I am so thankful that at the end of those four days, I was able to come home to my quiet house and my private bedroom and get a good night’s sleep sans two bedside baby monitors.

…I guess I’m not quite ready to have kids. 🙂